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When you think of sex toys, you probably think of dildos—specifically, the translucent jelly schlongs that have graced the windows of seedy adult stores (bless them) since the 90s. Those hot rods will always hold a special place in our hearts and our [redacted], but our tastes have evolved. We’re taking our H&R Block agent’s advice this year, and diversifying our investment portfolio with 24-karat gold luxury dildos, E-stim dildos, and this dildo that looks like it was made out of Italian Murano glass. To get more news about dildos, you can visit herbal-hall.com official website.

If all of this sounds tight but overwhelming, don’t sweat it. There’s a meaty VICE guide to every sex toy ever (even the Vajankle), but today we’re going to be breaking down some of the best dildos for every kind of horny person, according to not only various dildo specs and explainers, but to the real, horny reviewers who have lubed them up for a private rodeo. Generally, dildos are designed to stimulate the G- and P-spot, but there are endless variations and add-ons you can make to the dildos in your life, from fantasy schlongs to blended orgasm machines.

Cum along as we cover the best introductory dildos, the best partner play dildos, and the best dildos that will make you feel like you’re riding a sandworm from Dune.

Bienvenue, you’re now entering the world of dildos. Grab some silicone-compatible lube and cozy yourself up to this seven-incher from Amazon to get the ball(s) rolling. This compact vibrator is a bestseller on the site, and has earned a 4.4-star average rating from more than 1,500 reviews that say the charge lasts about 8 hours and that the flexible shaft and loop handle make it even easier for insertion. It’s waterproof, fully rechargeable, and comes with 10 vibration modes for you to explore. Plus, at under $25, the price is right.

Not all powerful dildos have to vibrate. In this writer’s experience, finding a dildo with the right amount of flexibility and a bulbous tip is often the key for having epic G-spot orgasms. This bestselling Lovehoney brand G-spot dildo is an affordable and size-accessible option, because it hits a seven-inch length maximum and can be bent into all sorts of shapes for your humping and grinding pleasure. As one first-time dildo user writes, “I got this as my first G-spot dildo, and DAMN. I’ve never squirted before but with this I just do.”

When you think of sex toys, you probably think of dildos—specifically, the translucent jelly schlongs that have graced the windows of seedy adult stores (bless them) since the 90s. Those hot rods will always hold a special place in our hearts and our [redacted], but our tastes have evolved. We’re taking our H&R Block agent’s advice this year, and diversifying our investment portfolio with 24-karat gold luxury dildos, E-stim dildos, and this dildo that looks like it was made out of Italian Murano glass.