I have an addiction for staying on the stage of the real life … believing i really need to be there.

I do this by such a long, long time.

But one day … i’ve asked myself … why the hell i do this …. when in fact i always end up being ruined emotionally?!

What i am hiding of?!

What do i try to avoid … having this stupid addiction?!

But also … why i can’t stop myself … and i want to be just on the stage of life?!

Why i avoid staying with myself?!

Then i somehow realized that i need to study again the definition of the term addiction.

And try to understand what is the meaning of that addiction for me.

Why do i believe that this addiction helps me?!

Why?!

Why?!

Why?!

Maybe i could ask … why i am such an idiot to believe in the help of the addictions?!

… of any addiction?!

But on the other hand … i just loved to be on this scene of reality … and also act as a great actor.

I was continuing … doing that on and on and on … but …. I started into the same time to have an emotional balance… followed by contradictory thoughts.

I statically saw that …. basically i was living into 2 parallel universes.

In night and early in the morning … i was living in silence … but during the day … i was always living in the chaos of the real life.

I continued balancing like that between living in chaos … and relax in silence … for years.

With a stupidity very difficult to be understood … and also accepted … i was still taking everyday the decision of living like that.

I allowed myself be dominated by the chaos from the outside world.

Everyday … i was doing the same.

I could not stop this stupid addiction for chaos ….. but you know why?!

Hmm … well … i was afraid of the silence from my soul.

I was afraid staying only there. 

I could allow this amazing energy that came to me from the connection with my inner world …. to always dominate my life …. but …

Into a silly way … i continued living in 2 parallel worlds …. allowing to be dominated by ugly energies also.

And life continued like that … on and on and on.

I could not stop … my addiction.

And i did not even knew to keep … the right balance between chaos and … absolute silence.

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